The following will be an outburst from someone who doesn't usually do outbursts to express himself and will not hold back if feeling like mentioning people or groups he has grieveances with.

Over the last 6 months I have felt my world start to close in on myself, I can't figure out any reasons but the following has been happening.

I failed my exams at university and have since had to alter my course to carry on into 3rd year. To tell you the truth I don't feel like being there, I'm mainly there though fear.

I have gone into a job where I feel like a useless spare part. earning very little for what i feel emotionally drains me.

but the worst bit of all is I feel i am falling away from everyone. I am not a "life-and-soul" person, I am rather shy, but no matter whenever recently i've tried to get myself heard, it's thrown back in my face like a shit dinner. Friends organising stuff, inviting me at the last minute, then cancelling. in work, the tables in the canteen, there are enough seats for all - 1, that usually ends up being me alone for me being too slow. Even in chatrooms online, my words and comments mean nothing but sweet fuck all. I was playing snooker, I questioned myself, "why am i playing this when i'm no good?" after which I snapped my cue, my £55 cue. I feel I can't do anything right, I can't be No.1 at anything, so what's the point in going on? Why shouldn't I just wake up and either say, enough is enough, and stay in bed for the rest of my life, only eating sleeping and shitting, or go the whole hog and end it. Will any one mourn? No, I'm forever just "that other guy" "the fall guy" "him over there". In real life i could only honestly see 6 people i know who would be at my funeral if such an occasion would happen. No one from online would, why would they? they only see the art I get, link it to me thinking that's me. Fuck no, like most things I'm more.